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Thursday, November 09, 2006
i love rainy days when im able to stay home and sleep.
i hate the way rainy days affect me.
i hate today's rain.
i need a place to be emo and whatsoever. and since my confidant is well... sorry dear blog, i guess i'll have to use you.
i know you didnt mean to get so worked up and all.
i know you didnt mean to walk out just like that.
i know you didnt mean to shock or scare us.
it was hard watching you walk in the rain with your head hung low. i could only run after you when you started running and watch you from a distance. im sorry that despite being the first to go after and and supposedly the one who knows you best, i didnt know what to say or do. how can i tell someone "have faith" and "commit everything to Him" when i cant even say that confidently.
"i like to walk in the rain because no one can see me cry" does this apply to you?
i've never felt like a failure when it comes to relationships. no it's not only this incident, it's been like this for the whole year. ive watched people drift away from me, ive watched people break off with others whom they used to call friends. i've never felt like a failure when it comes to handling such things. i used to be able to know what to do and carry it out. now i dont know what to do, much less carry things out. by right, such things should fall under "peiling's control". but they simply dont anymore. everything around me just screams "peiling you're a failure". i dont deny that.
hopefully you'll come tomorrow and maybe by then, i'll know the right things to say. it'll be weird not talking to you tonight but no matter how long it takes me, i'll sort things out by then.
the silence was and is unbearable.
i think it's high time i cry, but i simply cant. i dont want to be a bigger failure. i cant afford it.
superman (it's not easy) is so relevant yet again.
we desperately need a smile brandon club.
simplicity.
*****
simple facts
peiling
30 march
christian
tnsrgs
